Letting out....
It is now quite late into the night, but yet my eyes are open wide, Seeing all the minds thats running through my mind. Hopes feels scattered that it would be better now, when the major stress factor is removed. But why must stunt start immediately, first from her, then next from him. Living me behind in the cold.
Just in a day, how many times must 月亮笑阮□大呆, 被风骗不知 (mood laughing at me that I have being easily fooled), but yet I accepted it, because of the highest calling that came with it. Though I feels like a knife deep in my heart.
Imagine: how a speaker feels when his audiences seems to be sleeping. Demoralised, unappreciated, foolish or maybe all of the above? How will he feel especially if that audience is of particular importance to him.
Apparently, communications are lacking here. Why can't you just tell me that you are tired earlier, but instead told me to continue talking to the wall. And in the end both sides have to endure an unnecessary hit from the situation..
And what is more, another bullet hit me before that, Excited like a little kid, that I can see you soon... full of anticipation and hope. With such strong urge to see the new day come, where I can visit the shrine where the angel reside.
Then the stunt came.. just like an arrow hitting the soaring hope, that excitement level plummet vertically down! Just like a bird suddenly losing its wings. Excitement drastically dropped to rock bottom of disappointment. Such a high intensity drop, that the impact causes everything in me to scatter into countless bits.
Faith is among one of these scattered bits. Which makes me uncertain over little things, that I will doubt even simple actions such as a promise of a call. That my sense of security is totally gone...
(It will take some time before repair can be completed, though it may be expedite if the catalyse is activated.)
Thus, another bruising session occurred, with a yet another suggestion for curing the symptoms and not the problem. True enough, tomorrow may be better, but the this problem will persist and may even propagate if it is not arrested! Sometimes, I really hope that you can stop running away, as it is not a solution.
True that I may be far behind in priority, and I willingly accepted that, after all they are the integral parts of your life, and I can never replace them. And this is a fact I resigned to. All I ask for is that I will not be bullied by this fact. It is very painful when it happened not once by twice within this short span of time.. Ouch..
Don't you know that you are holding an important key, which I hope that you can use it soon, after such a long time of persuasion? I really feel that the tomorrow may never come...
And to make matter worst, this appear to be a self-explanatory projection for what may happen if it goes through for what may happen in 6 months time. With tangible signs that had, has and will be happening. Which will make the path very stressful.
One was from the 12 days of Chinese isolation, which became a good benchmark. Then came today where tendencies of talking to the wall occurred. Coupled with the fact with the running away syndrome, which usually are resolved in person. And these signs are peppered with the fact that there are so many restrictions in speech (eg. someone around, or that walls have ears), which may also restrict COMMUNICATIONS over distance. And understanding your reactions to potential academic stresses, which can be disastrous with no in-person communications, bundled with the fact that I must queue for your attention behind your beloved when you are away from them. And this is only just a part of the many ingredients...
Ouch... Literally! I see are potential pressure, which extremely high chance in creating a stressful environment, which will definitely hurt both sides, with little repair because of the sheer separation! Ouch.. Ouch... Ouch..
I agree that you are from the planet and that you are manifesting your characteristics. But this tight-rope risk is too unbearable for us to take. And unlike your phone, life has no saved games.
The sun may rise fairly soon... And yet I my eyes are still wide open. Maybe this is also good, so that I may wake up late, so the day of potential misery may pass by quickly, through sleep... Anyway, there is little hopes in savaging this day.
Very soon I will join the society of wilderness, which may not be as ideally friendly for us as what you said. And your support will mean alot for me, to fuel me on in this world of cruelty. Thought I can spend these last few precious days with you in this peaceful valley, before we may not have such carefree privilege anymore. These days of mine are exceptionally short, in relative to many others, but why can't you appreciate this situation. Where such sentiments are unanimously shared with those already in the world- that they crave for this short precious days (which is already much longer than mine) which can never come back until they grow old...
NB: Sometimes, I wonder if it is worth it having both sides hurt unnecessary which can be easily prevent through, communications and more transparency..
Just in a day, how many times must 月亮笑阮□大呆, 被风骗不知 (mood laughing at me that I have being easily fooled), but yet I accepted it, because of the highest calling that came with it. Though I feels like a knife deep in my heart.
Imagine: how a speaker feels when his audiences seems to be sleeping. Demoralised, unappreciated, foolish or maybe all of the above? How will he feel especially if that audience is of particular importance to him.
Apparently, communications are lacking here. Why can't you just tell me that you are tired earlier, but instead told me to continue talking to the wall. And in the end both sides have to endure an unnecessary hit from the situation..
And what is more, another bullet hit me before that, Excited like a little kid, that I can see you soon... full of anticipation and hope. With such strong urge to see the new day come, where I can visit the shrine where the angel reside.
Then the stunt came.. just like an arrow hitting the soaring hope, that excitement level plummet vertically down! Just like a bird suddenly losing its wings. Excitement drastically dropped to rock bottom of disappointment. Such a high intensity drop, that the impact causes everything in me to scatter into countless bits.
Faith is among one of these scattered bits. Which makes me uncertain over little things, that I will doubt even simple actions such as a promise of a call. That my sense of security is totally gone...
(It will take some time before repair can be completed, though it may be expedite if the catalyse is activated.)
Thus, another bruising session occurred, with a yet another suggestion for curing the symptoms and not the problem. True enough, tomorrow may be better, but the this problem will persist and may even propagate if it is not arrested! Sometimes, I really hope that you can stop running away, as it is not a solution.
True that I may be far behind in priority, and I willingly accepted that, after all they are the integral parts of your life, and I can never replace them. And this is a fact I resigned to. All I ask for is that I will not be bullied by this fact. It is very painful when it happened not once by twice within this short span of time.. Ouch..
Don't you know that you are holding an important key, which I hope that you can use it soon, after such a long time of persuasion? I really feel that the tomorrow may never come...
And to make matter worst, this appear to be a self-explanatory projection for what may happen if it goes through for what may happen in 6 months time. With tangible signs that had, has and will be happening. Which will make the path very stressful.
One was from the 12 days of Chinese isolation, which became a good benchmark. Then came today where tendencies of talking to the wall occurred. Coupled with the fact with the running away syndrome, which usually are resolved in person. And these signs are peppered with the fact that there are so many restrictions in speech (eg. someone around, or that walls have ears), which may also restrict COMMUNICATIONS over distance. And understanding your reactions to potential academic stresses, which can be disastrous with no in-person communications, bundled with the fact that I must queue for your attention behind your beloved when you are away from them. And this is only just a part of the many ingredients...
Ouch... Literally! I see are potential pressure, which extremely high chance in creating a stressful environment, which will definitely hurt both sides, with little repair because of the sheer separation! Ouch.. Ouch... Ouch..
I agree that you are from the planet and that you are manifesting your characteristics. But this tight-rope risk is too unbearable for us to take. And unlike your phone, life has no saved games.
The sun may rise fairly soon... And yet I my eyes are still wide open. Maybe this is also good, so that I may wake up late, so the day of potential misery may pass by quickly, through sleep... Anyway, there is little hopes in savaging this day.
Very soon I will join the society of wilderness, which may not be as ideally friendly for us as what you said. And your support will mean alot for me, to fuel me on in this world of cruelty. Thought I can spend these last few precious days with you in this peaceful valley, before we may not have such carefree privilege anymore. These days of mine are exceptionally short, in relative to many others, but why can't you appreciate this situation. Where such sentiments are unanimously shared with those already in the world- that they crave for this short precious days (which is already much longer than mine) which can never come back until they grow old...
NB: Sometimes, I wonder if it is worth it having both sides hurt unnecessary which can be easily prevent through, communications and more transparency..
posted by Justin Sng at 4:08 AM
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