Date: 04/04/2026
I received Christ in 1996. In those early years in
Singapore, there were many Ministry Nights where the church strongly encouraged
believers to be filled with the Holy Spirit. However, over time this emphasis
gradually subsided. We were taught that we should not focus so much on
experience, and that is why the emphasis subsided.
Later I was in a different church where such spiritual
experiences became almost non-existent. That church was also Pentecostal, which
means it was supposed to advocate the same.
Even in those days, we still had altar calls. When I went to
the front, I sometimes felt the presence of God, but I would wrestle with Him,
asking, “Is it really You?” I learned to blend with the crowd and to behave
properly.
I learned how to keep a nice facade and to behave well in
church. I did not want to create a scene or behave differently from other
people. I learned that after the last song, I should go back to my seat. In
this way, I learned what it meant to be proper at the altar. I totally learned
how to respect the orderliness of the church in a very extreme manner, and I
even referenced 1 Corinthians 14 in my heart. Sometimes at the altar I actually
thought that I experienced the Holy Spirit, but instead of allowing the Holy
Spirit to take control or allowing the fullness of the experience, I would
start asking “Is it really You?” and all this.
By the end of the altar call, it would just be a very simple
touch of His presence. We would just go back without experiencing the fullest
because of all the brain concern.
Then in 2015, during a church retreat, I was recharged in
the Holy Spirit again after many years of hiatus.
Before that, I was just a regular church-goer. Every
Saturday night I would even bring the young adults from the church to alcohol
drinking sessions. The intercessors of the church knew about it and they prayed
against it because they were very concerned about it.
At the retreat, the presence of God became so real to me. It
propelled me. Instead of just going to church, I started going to all the
prayer meetings and attended church faithfully because I was hungry for His
presence. God’s work was no longer just a concept or idea — there was a reality
to it. I even spent more time in prayer and I craved for the time with Him. I
found myself spending a lot of time seeking Him. Eventually I also joined the
intercessor ministry. Living a life for Him became so naturally spiritual.
The moment I was filled, I started laughing. For many people
the expression may be different — some cry, some are silent, some feel
something hot, some even fall down. But the basis of it is a peace and a joy
that surpasses understanding. Throughout the retreat, on top of laughing, I
also experienced falling under the power of God as well, and I even cried in
one of the sessions. It was a very peaceful wailing inspired by the presence of
God. It was really a spiritual-packed experience throughout the retreat.
It was after the first experience on the first service where
I was filled in the Holy Spirit. A church staff who is also my friend came and
approached me to help me out. He knew about the drinking sessions. I remember
vividly that my first comment was, “Wow, this experience was much better than
alcohol.” This gave me a lot of fresh perspective of the Holy Spirit. After the
retreat, my perspective changed even more. I understood that with the power of
God and with His presence, I was motivated to live my life wholly for Him, in a
different manner, with a fresh passion to live for Him.
Because I had the privilege of two eras of experience rather
than only one, the second refilling in 2015 helped me understand the real
shift. I literally moved from being a mere church-goer to a spirit-filled
believer. My zeal and passion for God shot up miraculously all of a sudden.
That was when I started operating in spiritual giftings without even being
aware that they were spiritual giftings. The action became so natural — it was
not something I tried to force out or strive for.
Because of that, I understood the importance of the Holy
Spirit and the reality of the Holy Spirit and the constant need to be recharged
in the Holy Spirit. That is the dunamis and the propelling force that will give
us the strength to live our life for Him. Apart from this supernatural
empowerment, there is a lot of limitation that we may not understand, including
the real risk of getting burnt out. I began to give much more attention to the
Holy Spirit than ever before. Having the knowledge and trying to apply such a
lifestyle without the empowerment of the Holy Spirit is very different.
But you shall receive power when the Holy Spirit has come
upon you; and you shall be witnesses to Me in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and
Samaria, and to the end of the earth. (Acts 1:8 NKJV)
And when the Day of Pentecost had fully come, they were all
with one accord in one place. And suddenly there came a sound from heaven, as
of a rushing mighty wind, and it filled the whole house where they were
sitting. Then there appeared to them divided tongues, as of fire, and one sat
upon each of them. And they were all filled with the Holy Spirit and began to
speak with other tongues, as the Spirit gave them utterance. … Then Peter stood
up with the eleven, raised his voice and said to them… Then those who gladly
received his word were baptized; and that day about three thousand souls were
added to them. (Acts 2:1-4, 14, 41 NKJV)
These verses came to life for me. I understood now that
Jesus also intended us to function with the power of the Holy Spirit. The
disciples were so enthusiastic to do what Jesus asked them to do after the
resurrection, but instead of asking them to go ahead and do it, He asked them
to wait. And indeed, on the day of Pentecost when the Holy Spirit came with
empowerment, the action became so natural.
Because of the second experience, I also understood that
being filled in the Spirit is not so much about God choosing whether to fill us
or not. Scripturally speaking, He wants to fill us up to the fullest and to
overflow. The equation now rests with us — how open we are for Him to fill us,
how willing we are for Him to fill us up, and learning how to tune to the
frequency of the Holy Spirit so that we can be alive to Him and let Him fill
us. I understood that being filled up is no longer by chance or only by some
anointed people praying for us. Instead, we can actually come to Him boldly and
confidently at any time to be filled by Him. We just need to learn how to be
tuned to Him.
At the beginning, I did mention about being refilled in the
Holy Spirit. When I was first saved, during the Ministry Nights, I did
experience the presence of God. But the difference was that I did not laugh.
Instead, I expressed what people called the “helicopter hand”. I felt magnetic
forces and I was stuck on the floor for a few hours experiencing the peace of
God, but I had never laughed before.
I thank God that I can share a personal testimony in this
area. I come from a pagan religion where my family was into spiritual mediums.
Spiritual manifestations were part of my everyday life. We saw a lot of
supernatural things — spirits possessing bodies and many other things. So when
I came into the faith, if there was no such thing as the Holy Spirit, what
would appear real would be things of the heathen, of the darkness, rather than
the light that is of God. I was very thankful that when I entered into this
faith, I was introduced to the right and proper Spirit — the Holy Spirit.
Looking back over the ten years after the 2015 retreat, the
journey was not always on a spiritual high. There were still spiritual lows.
Yet through it all, one thing remained constant — my hunger for the presence of
God had become much stronger after the infilling. The desire for God to move,
not just in my life but in the congregation and beyond, grew deeper. At the
same time, I began to understand more clearly that when God fills us, there can
be an overflow that spills over to others.
In this season, I sometimes felt alone in what I was
experiencing. There weren’t many people around me advocating or moving strongly
in the same reality of the Holy Spirit. At times, I felt like a freak show or
like I was the only one “moving in the Spirit” at the altar. This made the
journey feel isolating at moments.
Even in the lows, there were times when I neglected the
presence of the Holy Spirit. Yet because of the craving that had been awakened
in me, I would find myself running back to His presence again and again.
Sustaining the fire alone can be trying, but I thank God that somehow He
preserved this fire throughout the journey.
Instead of receiving encouragement for what God was doing in
my life, I often received discouragement from apparently well-meaning people.
There were also times of small talk and undercurrent criticism. These comments
usually came without people knowing my full personal story or the background of
my encounter with the Holy Spirit.
Let me share one example. Three years after the 2015
retreat, a church leader went to my then intercessor leader and shared that I
was being “hyper-spiritual” because of what had happened at that retreat. He
did not know it was my first fresh infilling after so many years, yet they were
still bringing it up three years later. I was thankful that my leader at that
time knew the full background and chided him quite firmly. She even warned him
that such actions could chase people out of church by passing judgment without
knowing the context.
After I returned to the first church in 2020, which was
still supposed to be Pentecostal and charismatic, similar things happened on a
few occasions. When I manifested at the altar, some people approached my good
friend in an apparently concerned manner and expressed worry. They commented
that such manifestations or movements were things of the past and no longer
existing now, so why was I still manifesting like that? My close friend had to
painstakingly explain to a few people that it was okay and that it was really
the Holy Spirit.
Yet in the midst of all this, God was faithful. He sustained
me and brought the right people to encourage me at the right times. I am
especially thankful for three people: my spiritual mentor (who has since passed
away), my buddy who is now an itinerant minister, and the leader of the
intercessors of the church I was attending then. They not only encouraged me
but also protected me and shielded me from a lot of apparently well-meaning
people.
During these ten years, God did not allow me to run fast
outwardly. Instead, He held me back and worked deeply on my character. Yes, I
had wanted to operate in this anointing — to encourage others, pray for people,
and spread this fire. I really desired that. But opportunities seemed to be
taken away or simply did not exist. Even when there was a chance, I often made
a fool of myself. It can be quite discouraging.
I remember one Saturday I attended a small ministry that
advocated the move of the Holy Spirit. There was a special guest minister.
Before he even prayed for me, the moment he saw me he shouted “Wow!” and I
immediately fell under the power of the Holy Spirit. After the session, I asked
him why he reacted that way. He told me he saw the fire of the Holy Spirit upon
me, so he exclaimed, and the rest was the work of the Holy Spirit — he never
even needed to pray. The next day at my own church, I was serving in the altar
ministry and I was excited, thinking now that I carried this fire, it was time
to practise praying for others. But that Sunday the pastor decided not to have
an altar call and simply ended the service. I was so disappointed. God really
works in interesting ways.
For these ten years I made a lot of foolish mistakes
whenever I tried to pray for people and help them experience the same thing.
Many times nothing happened and I felt so stupid and embarrassed. Gradually I
realised that God is more interested in my character building and my
relationship with Him than in what I could do for Him or any ministry for Him.
One struggle that surfaced repeatedly, especially after I
returned to the first church in 2020, was the dilemma at the altar. In my heart
the question that kept ringing was, “Do I really mean business with Him? Am I
serious for Him to move in the congregation?” This desire for revival was much
stronger in me than the need to stay proper. So I often allowed myself to
manifest, with the hope that somehow God would create an overflow and catalyse
a revival. Yet inwardly I also struggled — as a person I would rather protect
my reputation. But the spiritual zeal for revival superseded my personal need
for a good name. At the same time, there were so many apparent well-meaning
comments and undercurrent talks spreading around, not understanding the real
struggle inside me.
Through all these experiences over the years, I have
observed a clear trend in this current season. On one extreme, there are those
who rely solely on the experience of the Holy Spirit and end up neglecting
other important aspects of our walk with God. On the other hand, there is now a
very prevalent advocacy that we should not focus too much on the experience of
the Holy Spirit, for fear that we might neglect those same important aspects. I
also agree with this concern. However, we also cannot deny that the experience
is part of the holistic experience of the Holy Spirit that we cannot neglect.
I am not trying to say that the experience must surely be
there in a dramatic way. What I am trying to say is that the experience is part
of the whole package. If we minus away the experience of the Holy Spirit
entirely, what happens is that the draw factor of the world — be it in our
daily temptation or other forms of spiritual experiences — can appear more real
than just the theory and the application knowledge of the Holy Spirit. As such,
it actually removes the essence of the reality of the Holy Spirit. When that
happens, the world and all the other spiritual experiences may draw people away
because they appear more real to them than the Holy Spirit.
I have also noticed that for some people, the experience may
not involve any outward manifestation. For some, they will just feel very hot
over their body, or sometimes they will feel a very everlasting peace within
themselves. Yet somehow they will know that it is from God.
Rather, we should advocate for the balance between both
extremes. Trying to achieve this balance in our own human effort is almost
impossible. But as we are continually being filled and empowered by the Holy
Spirit, He will somehow bring about this equilibrium. Because God Himself is
the giver of the Holy Spirit, and we believe that God can bring about the
balance. Our God is indeed a balanced God. He is not a God who says we just
need to experience Him and that is all. God is actually a pragmatic God. We need
to be spiritually pragmatic in this area rather than living in an ideal
perspective of having only a theoretical Holy Spirit.
If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit.
(Galatians 5:25 NKJV)
I have also observed that over time, such experiences will
gradually fade. But that does not mean we experience God less. It is just that
we have become so conditioned to the presence of the Holy Spirit that we become
more used to His presence. That is why the apparent manifestations fade.
As we get more conditioned to being in His presence, we may
not necessarily need these outward experiences anymore because we come to learn
to recognize His presence as part of our life. By then, it is a sign of
spiritual maturity — we no longer need the initial markers because we have
learned to sense and walk in His presence naturally.
If we try to advocate the idea that we do not necessarily
need the experience prematurely to younger believers or those who have not yet
been conditioned to God’s presence, we may have actually effectively shut the
Holy Spirit out of the person unintentionally.
Another observation I have made is that there is also a lot
of advocacy saying that we can control the Holy Spirit or we can control the
manifestation of the Holy Spirit. I agree that we can control it. In fact, I
have experienced this myself. We do have the ability to stop or limit the
manifestation if we choose to.
However, I have observed that for those of us who have truly
tasted the presence of God, the issue is no longer whether we can control it.
The deeper reality is that we do not want to control it. The experience is so
good — full of peace and joy that surpasses understanding — that we simply do
not want to put a cap on it. We want the fullness and wholeness of His
presence. It is not that we cannot control the manifestation, but in the end we
choose not to, because we want more of Him.
After those ten long years, something began to shift in
2025. For so long I had tried to pray for people and help them experience the
same filling I had received, but many times nothing happened. I felt foolish
and embarrassed more often than I care to remember. Yet suddenly, without any
grand plan on my part, the fire started to spread.
I remember one Saturday after a prayer meeting, a brother
from the first church I attended came back to my house with me. He had always
been very skeptical. He kept saying that such manifestations and moves of the
Holy Spirit no longer exist today. That evening, I simply showed him some
YouTube clips of the Holy Spirit still moving powerfully around the world. Then
I asked him a simple question: “Do you want it?”
He confessed that he did. That very day he was filled with
the Holy Spirit right there in my house. He stayed in the presence of God for
three hours. He was laughing, crying, and deeply charged up. For me, that was
the first major breakthrough. It was the first time I saw the fire beginning to
touch someone else.
What I discovered that day was that it was not about me
praying powerfully or continuously babbling until something happened. It was
about guiding the person to open up to the presence of God. I realised that God
really wants to touch us. When a person is open, He can move freely. That was
where I saw clearly that what often prevents people from being filled is
actually on our side — the equation rests with us. I even consolidated some of
these discoveries into a separate manual and shared it with various people.
After realising what had been preventing them from being filled, many were able
to open up and be filled by the power of God.
After that, I was still a bit hesitant, but a friend helped
me organize a few small gatherings. Even before the first session, I found
myself anxious. I remember thinking, “God, what if You don’t move?” But someone
gently reminded me, “What if God does move?” On the day itself, I was nervous,
yet when the session started, God really did move. In the session, people were
touched by the presence of God. Some laughed, some cried, and they were simply
enjoying the presence of the Holy Spirit. I was literally humbled by this
experience. It was not about me praying powerfully for them. It was about
guiding them to be open to the presence of God. I simply shared and helped them
tune their hearts. When we laid hands, the power of God moved mightily and His
presence filled the room.
Through these moments, I came to understand more deeply that
God actually wants to fill His people. He desires to touch us to the fullest
and to overflow. The equation is not mainly on God’s side — whether He chooses
to move or not. The equation is on our side — how open we are, how willing we
are, and how ready we are to tune ourselves to Him. When people become willing
and open, He is more than ready to fill them.
He who believes in Me, as the Scripture has said, out of his
heart will flow rivers of living water. But this He spoke concerning the
Spirit, whom those believing in Him would receive… (John 7:38-39 NKJV)
Even in my workplace, we have a weekly prayer meeting. What
shocked me was that the dynamics of the prayer meeting changed when we ushered
in the Holy Spirit. People were filled during the prayer meeting itself. One of
them was so filled that he simply froze in the presence of God without any
external manifestation for a good one and a half hours.
When I shared this experience with a friend from overseas,
he invited me to introduce it to his organisation. Without much confidence for
such a huge group, I tried to brush it off and suggested doing it with a
smaller group instead. But he took my words literally and organised a retreat
for up to thirty people. Somehow I ended up at that retreat. I was marvelled by
God’s hand. Most people in the retreat were filled with the Holy Spirit after
many years. That particular weekend I was also asked to introduce it to the
main body. I was very concerned whether God would really move. Yet God did
move. The session that was supposed to last one and a half hours stretched to
three hours, and nobody wanted to leave. The whole hall was literally filled
with the presence of God. Many people were on the floor, some were crying, some
were laughing — they were simply enjoying God’s presence. The driver who
brought me around shared that they had been waiting for the Holy Spirit
movement for the last 14 years.
Such stories aside, even in day-to-day life I realised that
sometimes when I shake hands with someone, they get filled with the Holy Spirit
in a spontaneous way. Or sometimes after a short prayer, the other person is
filled as well. I was marvelled.
What surprised me most was God’s timing. I was really
surprised at how He worked through me and used me as a catalyst in guiding
people to experience His presence. It was not me — it was Him who touched the
people.
I also noticed that after people were filled with the Holy
Spirit, their passion for God rose and their desire for God increased. I even
heard a story of a husband and wife whose relationship was restored after many
years of quarrelling. The main observation was that after they were filled in
the Holy Spirit, their desire for God rose up exponentially. The desire to live
a life for Him became so natural for them. Life was literally changed — not by
might, nor by power of man, but by the Spirit of the living God.
As I look back on this entire journey, I am reminded how
much I had to brave through various well-meaning opinions that sometimes lacked
the full context of what God was doing. Some of those words, though given with
good intentions, could feel damaging. Yet through it all, I thank God that He
has literally carried me through these ten years and has preserved the fire in
me for a good ten years. I trust that He will continue to carry me through. And
I thank God that He faithfully brought the right people to encourage and shield
me at the right times.
To those who are newly filled with the Holy Spirit, or who
have just recently tasted His presence, I want to gently encourage you: it
takes time to stabilise this experience. Do not be discouraged if well-meaning
people rush in with suggestions or try to press it down. Keep pressing into the
power and presence of the Holy Spirit. While doing so, continue to love and
forgive, even if there may be hurts that come unintentionally in the process.
It is also helpful to look out for like-minded, mature believers in this area,
to encourage one another and be open to their experiences and teaching, so that
we do not risk going into hyper-spiritual or out of tangent.
Taste and see that the Lord is good. (Psalm 34:8 NKJV)
To those who have not yet experienced the filling of the
Holy Spirit, I want to encourage you as well: the experience of the Holy Spirit
is real. The reason we may not have experienced it yet could simply be that we
have not been properly guided or have not yet understood what has been
preventing us from being filled. Scripturally speaking, God really wants to
fill us up — it is already His desire, a done deal on His side. Let us first be
hungry and long for Him. As we stay open and continue to allow Him to fill us,
we will eventually be filled.
To those who have experienced the Holy Spirit but have
contained or limited the manifestation because of the mindset that we can
control it or need to maintain a certain orderliness, I want to gently
encourage you as well. Yes, we know we can control the manifestation if we
choose to. However, I have come to see that when we use our own human
rationalism to contain God or control the situation, we may unintentionally put
a cap on what He wants to do in and through us.
And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were
sealed for the day of redemption. (Ephesians 4:30 NKJV)
God desires to fill us to the overflowing, not just to a
measured portion. Let us open up more and allow Him to fill us to the fullness
of His overflowing, so that we can truly know what God can do in and through
us.
You will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with
all your heart. (Jeremiah 29:13 NKJV)
The Holy Spirit is real. His filling is real. My prayer is
that this testimony will inspire more believers to hunger for His presence, to
come boldly and be filled, and to learn how to gently guide others into the
same reality — so that the fire of God can spread, not by might nor by power,
but by His Spirit. Then we will truly understand the full extent of the
biblical dunamis and what the power of the Holy Spirit really means.
“Not by might nor by power, but by My Spirit,” says the Lord
of hosts. - Zechariah 4:6
