Judgement belongs to God... Forgiveness belongs to me..

'Judgement belongs to God,
Forgiveness belongs to me... '

The above statement has been knocking at the my mind for the past few days... Persistant it can be....

Simple as it may sound, it is something which is difficult to swallow.. After all that I have endured; after all that I have heard; and after all that I have seen.. And on top of that, I am a human afterall..

Surely, it is natural for any human to bite back.. So why am I told the otherwise?

Somehow, I was brought of the story of Joseph:
Joseph was betrayed by his brothers, sold to the land of Egypt as slave, accused of things he did not do and subsequently put into prison for 2 years.... Before life turned around for him..

In reflection, I realised that my life seems so similar to Joseph before his life turned around.. Life has never been smooth for me. Instead, it has been full of turbulance which, many times, rocked me out of my senses.. Though still preserved by His mighty Hands, I have been very tired and weary... Seeing myself on the verge of falling so many times...

On top of that, I have to deal with so many wounds of life... Some are still fresh with pain.. And some really gives me the urge for revenge..

Then I got reminded of this extract from the ancient prophet Isaiah:
"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the LORD. "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts. " (55:8-9)

Ouch!!... But God!!! Where is justice, I asked....

Then the story of Joseph continued...
Joseph was eventually plucked up from being a prisoner to become the equivalence of a Prime minister in our present day context, who was second in command to pharoh... And instead of taking revenge of his brothers who betrayed him, he said:
'You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives. So then, don't be afraid. I will provide for you and your children.'

So how? Does that mean that my life will turn for the better, and that God will bring justice in due time? Then I will be 'benovalent' like Joseph to forgive? Then this conviction came...

It is not up to me to decide who to punish, because I am also a fellow fallen being- saved and redeemed by the blood of the Lamb. So that I may be forgiven... so that I can walk boldly to the judgement seat of God blameless not because of my own merit, but by His grace...

Then I realised that what is important is this: Since God has forgiven me of all my past iniquities even though I don't deserve it, I should also 'bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave (me) Col 3:13

Oh! no chance for me to be 'benovalant' anymore

And as for judgement wise.. It is therefore not up to me to decide anymore.. because He knows better than I (refer to the lyrics of the song at previous entry) .. Hence it is His decision.. Hence, in reverence for His sovereignity, I have release it all to Him.. For Him to decide..

Acknowledging the fact that I am a human.. I know that this is going to be difficult for me to embrace this:
'Judgement belongs to God,
Forgiveness belongs to me... '

So God... help me...... guide me....

My prayer... Directly adapted from 'You know better than I'

I thought I did what's right
I thought I had the answers
I thought I chose the surest road
But that road brought me here
So I put up a fight
And told You how to help me
Now just when I have given up
The truth is coming clear


You know better than I
You know the way
I've let go the need to know why
For You know better than I

If this has been a test
I cannot see the reason
But maybe knowing
I don't know is part of getting through
I tried to do what's best
But faith has made it easy
To see the best thing i can do
Is to put my trust in You.

For, You know better than I
You know the way
I've let go the need to know why
For You know better than I

I saw one cloud and thought it was a sky
I saw a bird and thought that I could follow
But it was You who taught that bird to fly
If i let You reach me
Will You teach me.

For, You know better than I
You know the way
I've let go the need to know why
I'll take what answers you supply
You know better than I

Lyrics from 'Joseph: king of dreams' songtrack: You know better than I

My thoughts....

I have been with the organisation for 3 years..

Being the first DMT for this organisation..

And also the longest till now... as a VOLUNTEER...



Through this time, I have MIA twiced..

True reasons only I know and some others trusted ones..

And I wish to keep it that way...



Though this time, I have heard various rumours..

And in fact witnessed that some are indeed true..

though some are just rumour..



I have seen high turnover in this place...

And people in this place are always different whenever i return in action..



People come and people go...

Some are still my friends..

And I know their reasons for leaving..



In fact many times... I share similar sentiments as them...

but feedback tend to fall on deaf ears...




I am groomed to be a businessman from young..

Learning to see big pictures,

Learning to strategise..

Learning to be FIRM...



But I am also taught these fundamentals from my same mentor..

To respect others... for their freewill, for their emotions, for them being human...

And also not to make use of our fellow team-mates or play our own down..

Much less to take each other for GRANTED...



Now I see myself unhealthy in this place..

First for my character development,

and second for my emotion health..



Hence, with wisdom and maturity, I decided to make my decision today..

In the presence of all the witness present today..

I will stop VOLUNTEERING in as the 'so-called CREW'....



And today... will be a day I declare that many un-necessary burdens will be lifted from me...

Goodbye.... LIBERATION!!

Yes..


Today shall be my day of liberation..


From an organistion that played such small part of my life..


Yet affected a significant portion of my life..





There will be no turning back...


No turning back from this decision..


Place of control and manipulation..


Place of controvesies..





It is time for me to leave this place...


so as to protect myself...


To protect myself from any potential harms...


To protect myself from any future hurts..


To protect myself from character damages..





Yes..


This decision may be personal initiated..


Yet the development is based on wisdom and rationalism.


Coupled with maturity and counsultations...


I decided to proceed...





And there is no turning back... no turning back...

Extract from an entry 3 yrs ago--- revisited

Son, I have loved you with an everlasting love..
Before you were formed, I have known you...
Come to me..

Don't work so hard trying to please me..
I just want you to enjoy my presence...
To come into my embrace...

Son, I am still your Father,
I still love you...
Even though you may have failed me...
I still love you...
I want you to know that I fogive you....
I am still here..
I have never left you...
I will never forsake you...

Come Son,into my rest....
into my loving arms...
All your problems are in my hands....
I will help you solve them all....
No problems are too big for me...
and no problems are too small for me....
I am here son...
Just come to me...
Just rest in my presence...

Son,I want you to know...
I want you to have the best...
I love you...
Even though you are small,
You are still special in my eyes...
You are still my precious son.........

瀟灑走一回

Seasons and weathers pass by very quickly
dynesty rises and fall
grudges and deed, life and death will bound to happen who can be able to accept this fact
leave half awake, leave half drunk at least my dreams will have you
I will gamble with my youth tomorrow
you use true love in exchange for your life
Time and tide will not recognise the mortal,
full of sadness
Why not 瀟灑走一回